and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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