my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
