Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
