You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
