piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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