I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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