I wish I could punch you in the face.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
