I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They took my balls.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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