i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
