like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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