uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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