did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
