i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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