That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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