sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
