Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
