The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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