I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
