Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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