and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
