Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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