Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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