Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
