Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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