What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
