I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Naked Twister starts at high noon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i believe in u and ur pee
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
