first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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