Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
