I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
