well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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