someone get that fucking seahorse.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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