Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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