she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
