if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My room smells like vodka and shame
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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