You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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