So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
