Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We are all done wearing pants today
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
