well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
