i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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