i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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