You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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