Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Enjoy the penises
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
