i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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