i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
