Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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