i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How naked do you want me to be?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
