i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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