got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
