Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
