Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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