he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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