My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
