I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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