i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
