my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize