Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
