Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
