Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
