he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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