I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
