my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize