are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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