is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
