just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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