some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
