I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
