he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
