if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
