i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
