Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
