thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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