my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
