I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize